Robin

My grief for you is twofold.
There is the part of me that lies awake at 4am
Unable to stop the thoughts that rush through my head.
Memories like unreliable narrators lead only to
that which is bleak.
Your life cut short.
So much energy, created only to be destroyed.
It was as if you simply burned out like a star:
too much, too quickly.
That kind of energy simply cannot last.
I see shadows of your face in the tree outside my window,
And I fear for your beautiful soul.
But then there is the sad smile
That quickly spreads over my face
When I remember how you laughed;
The sound of your voice, always with a smile buried somewhere in it.
That ninja suit you mail ordered when you were twelve,
Those stupid Hawaiian print shorts,
And your collection of Star Wars action figures.
Sometimes, we would drive around with the music up loud
Singing together,
And when I stopped paying attention, you would cut the volume off
So it would just be my voice.
It used to make me laugh. I still do;
But now I think you helped me to find my voice.
Watching you live with so much passion
Has inspired me to live more fully,
To be more like you. So full of life in my mind.
That is what I cannot reconcile.
Your name, your voice, everything about you
Is synonymous with life. Bursting at the
Seams,
Overflowing into more than I can hold.
When I lie awake at
4am
Thinking about how you lived more in 28 years than most people do in
80,
I am torn between grief and joy.
I wonder if you really existed,
Someone so kind,
Genuine and
Amazing.
I feel lucky to have known you
Even though it means lying awake at
4am.